Ana has had a longstanding relationship with chocolate and sugary foods.
She expresses how it feels in her mouth and how it gives her a sense of containment, nurturance and takes care of her just for an instant.
Yet guilt appears almost every morning, attempting to move her for a change in her eating habits; health conscience seems to punish her as she wakes up full of anxiety.
Usually morning guilt comes and drives her decision making process towards healthier and balanced choices, until it gradually fades away, and insanity comes again at 7pm.
An unknown and more powerful force beats her thinking mind, and seems to move her by an unbeatable impulse.
She has been trying desperately to understand what chocolate gives her that she can't deliver to herself.
Finally, the "aha" moment appeared; It all started in her childhood.
She perceived her parent's invitation for her to exist as conditioned; she was to be active, hard-worker, unrestful, happy, hopeful, optimistic, calm, and fearless..
She didn't blame her parents for wanting her to be that way; they intended to raise her as a civilized human capable of functioning in the world they knew.
Yet their belief in instant perfectionism and wrong assumption that humans are only their heads, made them underestimate the perfect plan of all; nature's heartful plan.
Experiencing and expressing her emotions was too vulnerable for her as it had the power to drive the ones she loved away.
Thanks to Dr. Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D., she learned that e-motions have a purpose; they exist to move us to a place of maturation, and their free expression in the early years should be honored and allowed for adequate development to occur.
It requires trust in an energy greater than ourselves to allow expression without repercussion and a fully grown mature adult for subsequently guiding youth to the corresponding feeling.
This awareness will eventually develop into a reflexive adult, fully equipped to care for his own deep, profound, and humane needs.
An adult fully capable of resting when feeling tired, seeking togetherness when feeling lonely, feeding herself when hungry, and expressing her sadness in the context of a safe attachment.
She now understands how chocolate and her beloved sugary carbs served her at night; they were her true loyal companions for all those years that she decided to remain emotionless. Pumping in sugar helped her to crash her energy and get her to sleep.
If it weren't for chocolates, she would have died of exhaustion, as she was unable to stop her brain voluntarily.
The journey to discover this was long and not obvious; her body suffered big loads of sugar intake for many years, but the body is so wise that it has healing capabilities.
She started caring for herself sufficiently enough to "mother her" physically, spiritually, and emotionally by listening to the little girl inside.