Updated: Jul 26, 2021
I remember those extraordinary times when I laughed with my best friend for almost everything in our teen years.
We both shared a dysregulated empath nature, which manifested in the outer world by meeting new people and recognizing an unequivocal split between their human essence and a curious fear-driven role.
The separation that we could sharply appreciate made our teen years an entertaining comedy.
The parody we saw and shared with hearty laughter was a way of releasing our acute sensitivity and shielded us against swallowing the pain of others.
Without us being informed of it, laughter was an unconscious tool we both found that helped us remain light, free-spirited, spontaneous, and authentic at a time when culture and family were rigid; A benign coping mechanism that served as an outlet for releasing the frustration we felt for the constant sculpting done by our caretakers and not feeling welcomed as we really were.
Because laughter and sadness are both intertwined, humor is a way of releasing energy, either conscious or unconscious, but can also become an effective way of avoiding reality.
Years passed by, and without being aware of it, my sense of humor faded, along with my shield. Instead, I became consumed by society's rigid role-play and the tribulations of life.
First, I lacked a light-flowing soul to share the comedy of life. When you play a role, you only attract people playing a role: This is just a manifestation of humans' need for proximity; playing a role spreads as quickly as covid19 in the pandemic. The result is everyone escaping from their reality and consequently evolution. Second, roles keep you busy it keeps your energy trapped in a hole with no satiation or release, plus makes you take yourself too seriously.
By living as mainstream does, I learned how fragile and non-resilient civilization has become, along with a limited capacity of tolerating separateness—making togetherness highly overrated for those few living outside a role.
My spirit couldn't handle the role-play for long; a door opened to have the feelings that remain missing for years; sadness and disappointment invaded my being—an understanding that life is a continuous path of tolerating my separateness in a world of primitive togetherness.
After much reflection and deconstruction, my sense of humor and laughter came back, sometimes after big tears of sorrow, sadness, and disappointment.
I now have my big waves of laughter, but now I have words for it; unlike in the past, laughter is only a release of energy that opens the door to further reflection and growth.